you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
