I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
