one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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