im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
