I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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