i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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