who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
