Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
