life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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