he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
