maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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