Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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