i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
