I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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