I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
