you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
