exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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