wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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