My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
