when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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