just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
