You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
