I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize