Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
