My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
