Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
