I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
