I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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