I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize