i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
