I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
