Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
