Don't you send me to vm
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
