I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
