so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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