just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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