If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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