i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
