Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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