this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
false alarm, still single
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
