saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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