Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize