How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
