At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
