oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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