I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
