Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
