Only a mothe r could love this liver
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
