So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
