I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
