i love accidental penises.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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