yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
