Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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