I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
