just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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