Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
