Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
