would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
