Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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