it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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