I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
