I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
