She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
