Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
