the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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