I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
