He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
