just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
