I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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