We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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